Soylent Green for Travelers

Soylent Green

My very first thought upon reading Rob Rhinehart’s plan to entirely stop eating food in favor of slurping self-made nutritional drinks was that it’s just one more example of how the world is full of weirdoes.

Eating is, after all, one of life’s great pleasures. It just might be the greatest human pleasure.

Think about it. Not even sex elicits as many orgasmic moans of delight as does food. Hell, you don’t even have to eat the stuff to get that response. The mere smell of a well-prepared curry has the power to send me into a full-blown When Harry Met Sally. What sane person would want to give that up?

Apparently some do and, I have to say, I sympathize; at least to a point. Now I’d no more foreswear eating entirely than I’d willingly become a eunuch, but I do admit that food can be a demanding bitch sometimes. Three meals a day, every day? It’s a bit excessive, don’t you think?

Surely we can jettison some of these meddlesome meals without sacrificing any of the joy, but which ones?

Given the option I’d probably stick with breakfast. It’s a nice transition from unconsciousness.

I’ll keep dinner, too. I love the idea of ending each day with a celebratory feast. Life rocks. It really deserves a daily festival – with wine of course.

But lunch? Lunch I would gladly live without.

Sure, I understand its merit. When I’m bored out of my skull counting the minutes in a cubicle then the mid-day distraction of lunch is something to look forward to. But that’s mostly what it is: a distraction. And when I’m traveling or – really – doing anything that is even remotely interesting, that distraction is more like a burden.

At times like those a slug of Soylent Green would come in super handy. Just think of the possibilities: No reason to leave the museum or get gouged by their café. No more stale muffins on the train. No need to contort your itinerary around gnawing hunger.

Feeling a little peckish five miles into your wilderness trek? Soylent Green.

Trapped with the hordes in the maze of the Sistine Chapel? Sneak a little Soylent.

Waiting for your dumbass friend who was supposed to meet you for lunch 45 minutes ago? Screw him, Soylent Green!

I’d eat the stuff just to avoid having to spend so much time scavenging for food while traveling. I’d wager Shannon and I spend almost as much time trying to provision for lunch as we do actually exploring the destinations we visit. Down with all of that.

Rob, if you’re reading, we’ve reconsidered. Send us some Soylent, just leave out the people.

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25 Comments on “Soylent Green for Travelers”

  1. Rajiv July 1, 2013 at 9:24 am #

    I remember that movie, with Charlton Heston yelling, “Soylent Green is people” Gosh. I am old!

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 3:26 pm #

      And more recently (20 years ago?) parodied brilliantly by Phil Hartman.

  2. Gina left the mall July 1, 2013 at 10:11 am #

    I think when travelling, what’s key is that you’re both on the same “food page” (among other key pages!) I once went away with a crowd who spent all morning sitting by the pool planning where to have lunch. After lunch, back to the pool spending all afternoon planning where to have dinner. I wouldn’t have minded a little more sight-seeing and a few less menu discussions. Perhaps if there were a Soylent Green cart nearby, we could’ve compromised a little :)

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 3:27 pm #

      Or “Screw you folks, Soylent Green!” LOL

  3. areddaway July 1, 2013 at 11:34 am #

    It’s so difficult to eat properly while travelling, too. Especially during the day. Often I resent lunch while travelling because it becomes something greasy, unhealthy and expensive!

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

      Yup. Increasingly we’re looking for accommodations with kitchens and close proximity to markets.

      • areddaway July 1, 2013 at 5:33 pm #

        Definitely the best way to do it :)

  4. Laura Hilger July 1, 2013 at 11:38 am #

    So agree on this one-and so funny! Lunch can be annoying and it’s difficult to figure out what to have. Cheers, hope you’re enjoying your latest travels.

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

      Thanks and happy travels.

  5. lidipiri July 1, 2013 at 1:00 pm #

    This one had me upon reading “not even sex elicits as many orgasmic sounds of delight”. So very so! Food is something my bf could basically do without but me… I love to eat and through food and its customs around it I discover much about other people and places. So don’t go taking my lunch away either!

  6. Touring NH July 1, 2013 at 2:20 pm #

    I almost always skip lunch. When I’m traveling, you can bet my purse or backpack and sometimes my camera case contains an assortment of snacks and drinks. And heaven forbid if I’m on a long drive, the back of my jeep looks a lot like a mini-mart, coolers and all!

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

      I’d skip it too if not for gnawing hunger. We don’t snack so skipping meals is really difficult. And also we have a hard time finding snacks that are healthy, which is important because we’re doing this for long periods of time. We pretty much stock up on apples and peanuts and raisins.

  7. dalecooper57 July 1, 2013 at 3:32 pm #

    Hahahaha you’re so right, I wouldn’t give up the joy of eating for anything.
    By the way, have you seen the When Harry met Sally clip in this compilation?

  8. earthriderjudyberman July 1, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

    When we were in Paris in June, we got our breakfast and lunch at the bakery – quiche, croque monsieur, baguette with ham and cheese or whatever. Dinnertime is when we really focused our search. You’re making the Soylent Green choice very appealing. Good post.

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 5:45 pm #

      Ah, Paris. Large, walkable cities like Paris and New York are easy for food. There’s no need to plan or worry in places like that because you can find delis and bakeries and cafes and more around every corner. But the rest of the world isn’t always so easy and that is where Solyent would come in handy.

      • digger666 July 2, 2013 at 11:35 am #

        It’s not so much the rest of the world as much of the rest of the US. With the exception of a few cities (Chicago, San Francisco and New Orleans come to mind easily alongside New York), one finds little street life, few pedestrians and, consequently, little on offer.

        Really taking a vicarious pleasure from your blog; keep up the good work.

        • Brian July 2, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

          Agree that the U.S. is a particular problem but so too are smaller cities, towns and rural areas everywhere.

          Thanks for following along.

  9. oopsjohn July 1, 2013 at 9:24 pm #

    Did you mean Rob Reiner?

    • Brian July 1, 2013 at 10:00 pm #

      Meathead is giving up food too?

      • oopsjohn July 1, 2013 at 10:14 pm #

        Rob Reiner directed When Harry Met Sally, which you reference. My mistake.

  10. Allison July 2, 2013 at 12:25 am #

    I really hate lunch. The whole thing of stopping what you’re doing mid-day to eat is just annoying. Breakfast and dinner are ok, but lunch is inconvenient.

  11. David July 2, 2013 at 10:50 am #

    Thanks for a great wake me up this morning. This was a brilliantly funny post and has started my day.

    • Brian July 2, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

      You’re too kind.

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